Why I am a Better Mother
(Now That I’m Not a Mormon)
 
Copyright 2006 Post-Mormon Community

 

Comments:

Thanks you so much for this article!  You touch on points I’ve felt in my heart but didn’t know how to put into words.  My 17 year old son is really struggling with my husband and I leaving the church.  I understand his confusion, and my hope is that one day he will see the truth for himself and understand us. 

Thanks again—I needed these reminders smile

Posted by AnnieK  on  04/13  at  05:58 PM

Thank you!  I needed this reminder that I am the MOTHER and my teachings/examples will be the BEST influence on my children. I don’t have to live my life or direct my children to worry about “what the neighbors will think”...THANK YOU!  HUGZ!
Crissy

Posted by Crissy  on  04/14  at  05:50 AM

I loved this article!  I am a new mother, just leaving the church.  It scares me to think about raising my kids, but I’m also really excited that I get to do it my way.

Posted by MonaMa  on  07/09  at  04:14 AM

Thanks for this post.  It helps to know other moms have the same concerns I do.

Posted by Faeflyta  on  07/09  at  09:12 PM

Could you not do all of this as a member of the church?  I don’t see why not.

Posted by batman25  on  07/19  at  08:11 PM

Batman25, the answer is, no, you can’t, while still doing what the Church expects of its members. In particular consider #1, #3, #4, #5, #10, and #11 from the article.

Posted by Jeff Ricks  on  07/19  at  10:16 PM

I disagree.  Some of the components are a little vague and I don’t completely understand what the author means by them, but it definitely is apparent to me that most of these could still be done while being a member of the church.  Of course we are all entitled to our own opinion.

Posted by batman25  on  07/19  at  11:45 PM

Batman25, it’s eas to talk in generalities. Please be specific. Which statements are you calling vague?

Posted by Jeff Ricks  on  07/20  at  06:13 PM

I think Batman25, if you see people in the church as the same (you know, it worked for me so it must work for you)-you could be right. But personal experience with my wife tells me otherwise. In a beautiful way she is more of a free spirit type but I know she felt silently shackled by some church teachings which had no other expectations for her beyond being a wife and mother-thats all she was meant to be, but her true talents and individuality I believe was stifled she became a wife and mum before she was really ready this has not been good for her emotionally consequently she has been hell to live with at times. We dont go to church, were still together, and though she still yearns for some church things she too believes she is a better mother and person and shes generally much happier. I hope she never goes back to church apart from the socialisation etc, etc -what did it really do for for her as an individual? It kept her from knowing her authentic self

Posted by TEAMO  on  09/17  at  04:02 AM

This was a perspective that
I wish that I had many years
ago when raising my family.

As it is right now, I try hard just to realize that
after they have grown up, that I am not totally
accountable for all of their
decision making..I can at
least say they have minds of
their own..thank you.

Posted by My Turn  on  09/17  at  11:36 PM

You can do the same thing while being an “active” member, too.  Either way there should be no shame in that.

Posted by Miss Onary  on  12/30  at  01:51 AM

Batman is right, you COULD do these things while in the church…BUT most of us prefer not to live a lie.

Posted by AZ_RM  on  05/05  at  08:06 PM

As a daughter, I’d give ANYTHING to have a mother who realized and lived those thirteen things.

I also agree with AZ_RM. “Most of us prefer not to live a lie.”

Posted by Zen  on  05/25  at  03:49 AM

Number 12 should be number one! My children questioned several times why I had to have a man come over to bless them when their father wasn’t available.  The question was always asked why their own mother couldn’t bestow a blessing on them. It took me five years to leave but my expierences will always stay within me.

Posted by cackleberrys  on  09/13  at  01:44 PM

I am currently in the midst of realizing the truths you eloquently state here.  And No batman, I could not do these things as a devout Mormon because being such requires everyone to fit onto a certain box of what is acceptable.  If my children venture out of that box, then I would feel the need to try and reel them back into the proverbial fold rather than explore the other billions of beautiful ideas on the planet. I no longer have judgment or expectations for my children.  I love them for exactly who they are, (even though they are all 3 still devout Mormons;-) and that love helps make them and me better people.  I am a much better mother than I ever was as an active member of the Mormon church.  It’s very liberating.

Posted by Sheri  on  06/21  at  09:57 PM

This was very excellent.  I couldn’t agree with you more.  I think every point is very appropriate.  This is exactly what I wanted for my children growing up.  I decided these things a little late and it created problems between me and the DW.  I really wish the church was more family friendly this way.  I think your whole family must be very liberated.  That is true Americanism to me.

Posted by Rmyth  on  08/17  at  11:44 PM

Thank you so much! My mother has told me I am harming my children with these decisions (decisions that don’t agree with hers) and your article just said everything I feel about my decision.

Posted by mistyjune  on  10/19  at  04:36 AM

I love this article—really a statement of power.  I realized in a moment inspiration that I will not beat or harm my children just because I have left the church. In that moment i also realized how the church makes one dependent upon them for something as core as a mother’s love for her children. I’m so glad I left the church and so are my children.

Posted by kentucky  on  10/31  at  12:41 AM

Thanks for the article.  I agree wholeheartedly!!  If my Mom or siblings ever try to talk to me about what a mistake I’m making raising my boys outside of the church I would love to show them your words.

Posted by aworkinprogress  on  07/15  at  07:39 PM

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